Listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rySqvqy_OVk
Drinking: RADIOACTIVITY (THAT CAN'T BE GOOD)
Accounts of the Meeting from 5/31/13 to 6/11/13 (9.197.013.M[N/A] – 9.228.013.M[N/A])
[The purpose of this meeting is for an assault on neighboring systems of Sol, conquering all planets for Chaos (and one WAAAGH!!!) to prevent this unknown planet from spreading throughout the Galaxy. This was part of a Crusade by the dreaded Eliphas the Inheritor, who claims to be the conqueror of Kronus. Regardless of whether or not that's true, the Gods of the Warp still smile brightly upon him for his many massacres on the planet before he left.
He is joined by some of his own Warband: Gluttonicous, A powerful Slaaneshi Sorcerer and the Warband's Chef. He has not seen many battles, and has died several times, only being resurrected to keep Eliphas' crew fed; MTHERULERMAN, who was part of an experimental era of pre-Imperial, pre-genetically enhanced Space Marines under a private branch of the Military which he calls the UAC. His own explanation as to how he became the Chaos Space Marine is faulty and most likely false, as he seems to be permanently brain-damaged from taking too many combat-stimulants; And Morgus, who has just joined Eliphas' crew since most of his Warband split up after a run-in with Dark Angels. He is fat. Like, REALLY fat.
They are also joined by Krannon the Relentless, Head of the Legion known as the Crimson Slaughter. He is here to see if causing an entire planet of people to turn to Chaos will finally end the voices in his and his legion's heads. Also joining them is Warboss Skarrgutt, a Warboss that takes pride in the toughness of his Boyz, and brags about how he and his Nobz took down a Tyranid Trygon Prime. It has become a Big Fish story, as it gets grander and grander each time, and the actual feat is most likely minor when looking at the odds.
They are all meeting on Eliphas' flagship, which will be the flagship of this invasion.
The Meeting begins]
Eliphas: So, we all know why we're here, so let's get down to buis-
MTHERULERMAN: *PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST* ELIPHAAAAAAAAAAAAS
I HAFF TOO PESS
Eliphas: [Even through the Inheritor's helmet, it was clear Eliphas was annoyed]
[…] Didn't you go before the meeting started?
MTHERULERMAN: OI TRAID
BUTT DEN A SLAANESHI FOGGAT LOOKD AT MEE
SOA OI KILLD HIM
ANN OI FOARGOT TOO GOA
Gluttonicous: [sits there, possibly a little offended]
Morgus: Oh! It's okay, man!
[Pulls out a plastic bottle with a little bit of torn paper on the sides. There is a fair amount of Yellow liquid inside]
Gluttonicous: [quickly backs away]
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!
Krannon: [Laughing like a small child]
Skarrgutt: [gives a confused look]
Eliphas: MORGUS, YOU IMPUDENT FUCK!
Skarrgutt: Wot; do ya 'umies usually go in a bottle?
Morgus: Well, no, but I'm usually on the road, so…
MTHERULERMAN: [At this point, MTHERULERMAN is already running on the table toward Morgus]
[Grabs the bottle, jumps over Morgus, and runs toward the corner]
Eliphas: [Sitting down, hands on head, already embarrassed beyond belief of what is transpiring in front
[Whispering] In the first fucking minute… FIRST-first fucking minute…
MTHERULERMAN: STUP STARIN
Eliphas: Alright. [Claps hands together] Ignore him, let's get to business.
So, you all obviously got the memo, so we don't need to worry about explaining what we're going to do, we just have to talk about how we're going to do it. We all have our fleets, however small. The Imperium doesn't know about this area. I have no other reports of other races anywhere near this system or even neighboring systems. So, it's simple; we'll split up who will conquer what system, regroup, rinse and repeat. Once this area is under control, we'll capture this planet. And let's not lie to ourselves; we'll all be fighting each other for these territories afterward. Until then, though, we'll have a much easier time gaining control through our combined might.
Krannon: So, in that case, how are we gonna split this up?
Skarrgutt: Yea, an' ya betta not jip us fer territory just 'coz yer leadin' dis crusade. 'Coz da second ya do, we'll be fightin' sooner den ya fink.
MTHERULERMAN: [slowly, awkwardly moves back to his seat.]
[Morgus motions to MTHERULERMAN to give the bottle back.]
[MTHERULERMAN throws the bottle across the table]
[Morgus catches, just barely, and gives MTHERULERMAN a thumbs up]
[Eliphas just gives them both a glare]
Eliphas: Oh, don't worry, Ork. There are plenty of fairly tough planets that your boys will find fun. I also heard that remnants of an old Hive Fleet are in a few systems, if MTHERULERMAN's Dark Angel associate is correct.
Krannon: Okay, hold the fuck up. Dark Angels? I thought you said that the system was outside of Imperial knowledge. I lost many good men to Dark Angels, so why should I trust that idiot-
MTHERULERMAN: DOANT TREET MEE LIEK A FOOL
[Smashes hands on table rhythmically]
OIM DA KING OFF KILLING
OIM DA KING OFF KILL-
Eliphas: [Smacks MTHERULERMAN on the back of the head]
Anyways, that's because-
MTHERULERMAN: [Punches Eliphas in the back of the head]
Eliphas: ACK- [rubs back of head]
I'll deal with you later.
So, that's because these Dark angels are separated from the Imperium even further than the rest of the Dark Angels. On top of that, it's lead by only a couple Command Squads. As long as we don't attack them until we've conquered neighboring systems, we'll be perfectly fine.
Skarrgutt: Ah, yer all just a buncha puny 'umies. As long as Oi get ta fight sum Tyranids, Oi'm good.
Eliphas: Good, in that case, we'll just send you you're designated systems, maybe negotiate if you wish, and other than that you can be on your way.
Skarrgutt: Nah, Oi'll deal wiv dat later. Fer now, Oi'm a little en'ertained by yer crew.
Eliphas: Alright, fine.
Krannon, you'll conquer systems closer to this one, so that if these Dark Angels do find out about our crusade, you'll be able to be the first to fight them, the first to let us know, and get your first chance at revenge.
Krannon: That last part's all you needed to tell me. I'm in.
Eliphas: Good, we'll send you your coordinates, and you'll be on your way.
Well, that actually wraps it up for your parts of the plan. For your cooperation, we've prepared a grand feast for you and your finest men- no more than that though, please? Gluttonicous tends to cook up some of our cultists if there's not enough food for everyone.
Gluttonicous: Hey, I just want to make sure everyone gets fed! Cultists make a fine stew, you know.
Eliphas: They also make good fighters, and we need them more!
Okay, Krannon, Skarrgutt, you're free to leave.
[They exit, talking to each other about various things, trying to get to know each other whilst they can]
Eliphas: Alright, we have four Chaos Lords here, so I say we split up.
Morgus, MTHERULERMAN, you two are working together.
[The two nod at each other]
MTHERULERMAN, since you're so close combat ready, you're pairing up with some Khornate Berzerkers in a Land Raider.
Careful, though. If we do ever end up fighting Dark Angels, your Land Raider will be in trouble. They have a Vindicare assassin, which whill blow up the Land Raider if you're not too careful.
MTHERULERMAN: OI KILLD HELL
OI KAN TAEK A PUSSY WIFF A GUN
Eliphas: I wouldn't call him a puss-
Eliphas: Alright, whatever, just be careful.
Morgus, I don't need to tell you what to do. Get your bikers, send them to rot away your enemies before they get a chance to attack.
Morgus: And my Plague Buddies will take care of any important things?
Gluttonicous, you're coming with me. Your powers could assist a group of Noise Marines in my personal warband.
Gluttonicous: One condition.
Eliphas: [Stands up, looks directly down upon Gluttonicous] You're not in any position to demand anything from me.
Gluttonicous [oblivious to Eliphas' words]
Can I cook anything I kill?
Eliphas: Oh. [backs off] Well, sure. Just keep in mind that some species might be poisonous.
Gluttonicous: Why, yes! Of course!
[Crosses Tyranid meat off list]
Eliphas: Alright. Let's all head down to the mess hall, and then Morgus and MTHERULERMAN can go to their flagship.
MTHERULERMAN: BUTT WE DOANT HAFF A FAGSHIP
Eliphas: Oh my, have I spoiled the surprise?
MTHERULERMAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA [runs in circles, jumping up and down]
Morgus: HOLY SHIT, MAN, FUCKING, THANK YOU! OMFG [grabs MTHERULERMAN's hands and they jump up and down]
Eliphas: Just don't fuck anything up, you two.
[They all exit]